so something ive realized lately is that no matter what happens we have to stay strong. i know seems like something  simple i would have always known.But i hadnt. because no matter what we can always look outside and see some amount of beauty, as long as we keep our eyes open.And even if its just a fraction of something thats beautiful its that fraction that should hold us through knowing that there still is beauty and good and the world we just have to find it.. something else ive realized is that life is what we make it like if we push for things to be good even when theyre at there worst then they will be good. sorry for rambling .. if anyone ever reads this.

Battle
You hold me a slave in these times of bitter warfare.
Send shockwaves from the bullet that pierced through my mind.
The one thing i can not find is peace-
with myself-
a thing i do not know anymore.
Did i ever really know- 
you uncle sam, you speak to me.
send me messages three times a day.
telling me what to do, and if i dont listen to you;
You inprison me in a box filled with disgust.
One i can not seem to escape. Or so it seems.
many a man who has come before me,
have broken these walls that define your cage of shame.
So do i blameYOU  for holding me here? Or ME for staying.
someday i'll be brave.
I'll fight the man-
show my strength-
load my gun-
and walk down th path to freedom!

Tags: battle
Current Mood: contemplative

Have you ever been in that awkward place between night and day?
When you can't see because there's smoke in the way.
Where you can't breathe because there's a fire burning inside of you.
Despite of you--I'll make it.
I know you love me, but-
Parenthood , you can't fake it.
I've resorted to being alone.
Trying to give up on my  pretend best friend.
To having a barron womb, where inside there is nothing-and there never will be.
My libido is now like a -speedo who's job is to keep everything inside.
Why couldn't you see?
Why couldn't you save me?
Why couldn't you be there?
Why can't you relate to me?
Thanks to you and me-ah a conspiracy of sorts--
Tramples over every thought that i have-
That i have had--
Or ever will have.
I speak in tenses--
I know.
So? I wonder - 
If maybe its because i'm insane..
Or maybe because you made me this way.
Is this?
How it is?
pick and choose-
The days you wish to.
Have it.
Me.
That is.
Remeber the days when you would brag about me?
Do you remeber when and where?
I do.
In a bar, or a crackhouse, in a hospital room. 
To the empty cabinets.
Or was it to the bums who would live with us from time  to time.
Can you see where i'm coming from?
Through my blind eyes.
What i am really trying to say of course-is-
I LOVE YOU.

Tags: blind, eyes, hate, life, love, mia
Current Location: bee pee
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: The angry white girl rap i just wrote...

feel my breath
its intense isnt it?
can i show you how to live?
not the way i do, do this for you.
call me in the morning so i can adore you're lies
are they all you know how to say.
dont treat her that way.
can i show you whats coming. i couldnt.
you wouldnt--be able to concieve it
you dont have the brain capacity
or the will power. yet still you think think its okay
to control  others because you think they're weak.
well they're not. you are.
go crash you're car. you're an idiot.
what did you think i didnt understand what you were doing.
i did. i saw right, - throw your mask in the trash
its transparent everyone can see right through it
especially your fellow inmates. i hope
you get raped.
karma, dharma, you'll never be a babies father
because you're fat, no not p.h phat you're just FAT
i know you can feel the rolls- of hatrid that are coming out of my mouth.
if i ever hear from you again i'll put you face first into the fucking ground.
dont believe me?
thats a pound.
of cocaine.
That you once had in you're brain.
you would have been better off just sticking to that .
it would have been alot less painfull than what im going to do to you.
you know what,
just.
SCREW YOU.

Tags: anger, bowen, emo, wrath
Current Location: beepee
Current Music: crimianl , fiona apple